Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

Archive for love

My Apologies to the Men…

To all the men out there… I must apologize.  It is true that over the last several months my focus has appeared to be on women.  I am sorry.

The truth is that I am cooking up something extraordinary for men, it is a project that is very close to my heart and I can’t wait to share it with you.  Problem is that I have had to admit to myself recently that I am not super-woman.  I know, it was as shocking for me as it is for you.  And because I am not super-woman I can’t do it all.  I have had to postpone my FREE seminar for men AND my special men’s home-study course until early next year.

I promise you, I am just as bummed as you are, but what I know is that it is going to be amazing and by trying to squeeze it in before year’s end I was not going to be able to show up with my best… and that is of the utmost importance to me.

So men, hang in there please! I do love you, I love working with you and I have much to share with you.

I would also like to add that the last several months have taught me so much about men.  For whatever reason, most of my coaching clients have been men lately, more specifically men in relationship.  What I have learned and seen in man has changed me.  I have seen dedication, love, devotion, passion.  I have seen the side of man that woman is waiting for.  And it is so beautiful.

I have also seen in myself and in woman, all of the many ways we play into a dynamic that keeps man from showing up in this way with us.  When he does not show up strongly, we feel justified in not surrendering and opening up to him.  When we don’t open up, we perpetuate the cycle of pain between man and woman that has been going on for hundreds of years.

Have you experienced this?  Men? Women?  I would love to hear your thoughts.  Feel free to leave them as comments here on the blog…I promise I do actually read every one.

P.S. I am beginning a monthly meditation teleclass THIS MONTH… open to both men and women.  And, the first month is FREE!  Men, if you are ready to dive in now, check it out

The Secret to Great Sex

It has become clear to me that no matter what the exact issue that brings a client through my door, everyone is grasping for the secret to having a deeply fulfilling experience in lovemaking.

People often want to believe or are searching out a technique that, once learned will finally satisfy their partner and transform their experience.

…and there are some techniques out there that are interesting and worth exploring, but the big secret is that great sex does not come from learning something you can ‘do’ differently.  It comes from how intimate you are with yourself.

Our culture has little tolerance for dedicating any time or energy to fully experiencing our bodies because we have become so result oriented.  God forbid we step away from our computer and the possibility of accomplishing one more thing, in order to nourish ourselves!

If we do take the time to nourish ourselves, it comes in the form of a spa treatment, a nice meal out, a ball-game, a Yoga class, etc.  And all of these things are WONDERFUL!  But how many of them really turn you on?  I mean how much of your life touches you in your sex?  Seriously, take a moment to think about it.  When you are not engaged in having sex what percentage of your life are you experiencing the wholeness of yourself including your sexuality?

…I thought so.  Way too little.

The worst part is that we have almost no experience of the potential of our bodies, no relationship to our own sexuality (other than a few goal-oriented masturbation sessions), and yet, we expect our partner to be able to satisfy us and take us to new heights… and if they can’t, we whisper about it to our friends and long for our partner to change.

The good news is that getting in touch with your body and your sexuality is EASY.  Yes, it is.  Whew!  All it takes is a curiosity, an investment in those possibilities that you feel within you, but often don’t listen to.

Try this:

Take the time for a walk in the park or on the beach, while you are there, take a moment to pause and be silent.  Allow yourself to notice what you feel through each sense in your body.  What do you smell?  How does the air feel when it touches your skin?  What colors and shapes do you see?  Sounds do you hear?  Allow yourself to truly absorb all of the sensations of the moment and through this begin to discover something new inside yourself and your relationship to all things.

“All around you, in every moment, The world is offering a feast for your senses.  Songs are playing, tasty food is on the table, Fragrances are in the air, Colors fill the eyes with light.

You who long for union, Attend this banquet with loving focus.  The outer and the inner worlds open to each other…”

~Vighyan Bhirav Tantra as translated by Lorin Roche Ph.D.

It is so simple that it is almost deceptive because we are not accustomed to allowing life to be simple.

And it is from this place of truly feeling ourselves in a new way, and coming into intimate contact with the world within and without that the great secret to lovemaking is revealed: attunement.

Yup.  No special technique, no following steps 1,2,3 and boom!  As you become more intimate with yourself you will naturally become more intimate with the world.  As you become more intimate with the world you will begin to notice how to simply allow yourself to come into an attunement with this moment in your body.  As you attune to the moment, you become more sensitive to, and can easily attune to your partner.  It is from this place that true lovemaking happens.

As you become more and more sensitive, you will even begin to ‘hear’ what your partners body is telling you.  A longing for a caress here, an invitation for a deeper more vigorous movement, a call to slow down, and so on.  You become one of those rare people that you have heard of in the myths that friends have told you about that past lover who just magically knew what to do, how to touch and who drove them wild.

You can only become aware of these responses in your partner, you can only come into this level of attunement when you have an intimate relationship with yourself.

In many ways you will practice this attunement in every moment of your life.  Life becomes your greatest lover, even just the breath moving in and out of the body is recognized as the sweet pleasure that it is, and sharing with another human being is a delicious expression of this loving.

Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide.  Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through coaching, events & home-study courses.  If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

Upcoming Events with Charu

Beginner Tantra for Couples

Sunday August 9th 6pm . Culver City
$100 per couple / $75 when you register before July 26th
click here to register:

Evening of Awakening . Puja Ritual

Saturday August 15th 7-11pm
$60 per person / $50 if registered before Aug 1st
click here to learn more & register

Stillness in Lovemaking (and a secret lasting longer in bed)

I have said it before, and I will say it again… the bodies have a language of their own.  Most of us have stopped listening when our bodies talk and because of that we have suffered.  We have suffered because we have isolated ourselves, not only from each other, but most importantly from ourselves.

The other day my man and I were making love and he paused, as he often does, and rested inside of me.  With him resting inside my body I began to receive information from his body into mine.  An entire symphony of information.  It felt like a blooming, it began from his penis and then spread out through my body… reaching to the top of my scull and the tips of my toes, pressing against the inside of my skin to the outer edges of me.

He began to move again and it was as though the information withdrew or pulled back as he pulled back to thrust into me.  It was startling and unsettling.  As he continued to move gently in and out of me I noticed that I was consistently experiencing this unsettled sensation of trying to receive the information, but not being able to ‘pin it down’ or absorb it.  Fascinating.

Now, I there are other times when he is moving and I can fully receive what his body is sharing with me, and other languages where I can feel the building of fullness with the intense movement… moments where the way that he is penetrating me feels almost blinding and that feeling of losing control is profound in its own way…

And yet, this experience, which I have often had, of longing for him to stay still so I could drink in this deep knowledge of my man, inspired me to share with the world how important these moments of pause can be.

Many of us are caught in a habitual loop of feeling that we always have to ‘do’ something in lovemaking.  That there is some great technique that will wow our lover and make them love and approve of us or satisfy them beyond belief.  And sometimes within that we are missing the simple magic.  We are railroading over the very connection that we so long for, the connection that nourishes and enlivens.  The connection where two human beings actually enter into a union and open to one another.  Perhaps open and share in a way that is not possible with words or in daily interactions (as we know them).

So, I would like to invite you all to explore the stillness.  Allow it to teach you about what is possible between two bodies as it re-sensitizes you to the moment.

Men ~ it is important to understand that I have just exposed a valuable secret to lasting longer in bed… when/if you feel you are moving toward ejaculation and you would like to postpone it… don’t leave your woman by thinking of baseball or whatever techniques you have created to repress the energy.  Simply allow your body to relax, be still.  Yes, your erection may shift and change while you are still, you may not be as hard as when you are thrusting… this is okay.

Take this time to look your woman in the eyes, caress her body and allow yourself and her to simply relish in the connection between the two bodies.  When and if it feels right to move again you can, as the bond between you has ripened you may notice a new richness as you move inside of her.  You may even notice that your penis is more sensitive to what her body is truly longing for.  Within lovemaking you can pause as many times as you like and you may even choose to experiment with completing your lovemaking this way, simply allowing the charge you have built from moving the bodies to nourish you rather than ending with a big explosion.

There is no ‘right’ way to make love.  Explosions are wonderful, fucking is wonderful… and now you can begin to explore this concept of stillness and see what the process reveals to you about lovemaking and the possibilities.

Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide.  Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through events, workshops & home-study courses.  If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

In Tantric Relationship, The Honeymoon Never Ends…

Some of you may know that today I celebrate four years with my incredible man!  It is so amazing to share with a man so dynamically and fully.  Of course, I credit Tantra for giving me the tools and the context for showing up and allowing the relationship to undo me, rather than make me smaller or box me in.

I think there are a few major mistakes that we all make when it comes to relationship:

One thing is that we think relationship is there to make us happy… of course relationships can awaken us to joy and happiness, but anyone who has been in one knows that is not all there is to it.

In Tantra, it is thought that a Tantric relationship is one which specifically provokes old family dynamics and habitual responses. Within a conscious, Tantric relationship we are given the opportunity to meet those ‘trigger points’ head-on, learn how to stay present within them, and open to a new, perhaps unfamiliar way of showing up.

A way that is beyond ‘trading needs’ and that takes us into uncharted territory where I don’t count on my partner to ‘complete me’ as we see in so many movies, I go deeper with my partner by honoring myself, knowing myself and loving beyond my fear of losing.

This requires great courage and when you show up for relationship in this way, it can be the greatest teacher, perhaps the only teacher you will ever need.

I am not the woman I was four years ago.  Throughout this relationship I have become aware of some very limiting patterns that I have been ruled by for most of my life…because of my strong Tantric practice both before and during my relationship, I have broken through many layers that have kept true, authentic love at bay.  I am consistently surprised by what is possible between two people and by the true beauty of man.

When relating is dynamic in this way, and nourished in a foundation of a deep honor and respect for yourself AND your partner, the honeymoon never ends.  Every moment is a delicious surprise, you are consistently challenged and invited into new landscape.  Passion, desire and absolute love live here.

Want to use this article?  You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide.  Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through events, workshops & home-study courses.  If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

Father’s Day…the perfect gift.

Father’s Day is just around the corner!  For so many men, being a Father has played an essential role in discovering who they are as a man.  There are few things more beautiful than seeing a man come to life as he is engaged with his children.  This provokes in me a genuine desire to honor the man who is showing up for his children, loving wholeheartedly, and rediscovering himself throughout the journey.

It can be very hard to find the perfect gift that truly reflects your gratitude… one that goes beyond the beautiful handmade cards the kids put together, one that is about the connection between you and your man… the man who shares this journey of parenting with you.  The man who you may not always make the time to honor or nourish because of the responsibilities you have taken on as parents.

I have created the perfect gift which will not only honor your man, but it will rekindle the passion and desire within your relationship.  For more information on how you can gift your man this Father’s Day with a special evening that he will never forget, check out

On the site you will find a very detailed video testimonial of one couple who I created this Ultimate Man Gift for, and just to give you an idea of the response you can expect, here are a few notes from men  immediately after their Ultimate Gift evening:
“OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unbelievable! Amazing. Thank you!”

“It was INCREDIBLE the love of my life gave me an AMAZING mindblowing gift with the help of Charu”

“The evening was beyond “bliss”. Mindblowing, Unforgettable. Something I’ll remember and cherish for the rest of my life. Thank you.”

I am truly inspired by the great Fathers of the world and I look forward to letting them know just how special they are by supporting you in gifting your man what he is deeply longing for… acknowledgment, love and passion.
in love,


Throw Away Your Self-Help Books

Lately, I have noticed that I have been rather negative.  Thinking negative, sludgy thoughts, speaking of the things that are not going the way I would like in a negative way, and in many ways hanging out and bathing in this well of negativity.

It occurred to me that I have probably been creating a negative cloud around me and I should refer back to tools such as; the power of ‘thinking positive’.  Problem is, that whenever I consider tools around ‘positive thinking’ or ‘gratitude’ it makes me want to vomit.  Seriously, something just does not feel right about it.  Something is off.

When I have an internal ‘yes’ for something there is no stopping me.  I can feel it in my body, in my teeth, how right it is and the universe moves in order to support me in that yes.

I often feel this ‘yes’ when I meet a teacher who I resonate with, a person I want to spend more time with, a work partner… and, of course, I feel this yes for Tantra.

Yesterday, within my sludge of negativity, I had a fantastic day of delicious meditation.  I began in the afternoon with my meditation on the goddess Tripura Bhairavi, which I learned from a recent workshop with Parvathi and have taken on as a 40 day practice to embody the qualities of this goddess in my life… I then gave a private session where my client and I delved into Bio-energetic techniques to build the charge of life force and arousal in our bodies before allowing it to flow through us… and finally, I attended Dawn Cartwright’s Friday Tantra Experience class where we awakened to the Sutra ‘Unminding Mind, Be in the Middle, until…’

By the time I arrived at class I was already buzzing.  Within the first five minutes I felt something crack open inside of me and I was alive with absolute love and gratitude… I did not think this, it was an actual physical sensation.  I felt my absolute devotion to Tantra on a cellular level and my love for Dawn, for my beloved, for all my friends… and even for the strangers who shared in this evening with me. Ahhhh.

…And suddenly I knew why I feel sick when I think about positive thinking or gratitude lists…

What I am longing for, what I know to be real and true in my body, is so far beyond my negative thoughts, so far beyond changing my behavior or thinking in any way, what I am longing for isn’t even on the same planet as these concepts.  What I am longing for is simple, it is effortless, it is absolute reality and it awakens through my body.  Once I touch it, everything is transformed.  Negative thoughts are not a ‘problem’ because the story has dissolved.  I don’t need to ‘think positive’ or ‘be grateful’ because I am fully embodied.  The wholeness that I experience is in itself a radiant love and gratitude, and I don’t need to name it.

This is what I am holding for.  This is what I surrender everything to.  This is what Tantra has given me.

Ultimate Foreplay…

My beloved returned from an all-night sweat lodge on Sunday, warm and open.  He was so gentle, so melted and so alive that it was nearly impossible to hold back around him, although some part of me seemed determined to try.  I found myself running into a dangerous mindfuck which creates distance between me and man.

…and he just kept glowing and loving.  In his radiance I felt my resistance melting away and I was transported to a magical land… the present.  Here I was gifted with a love that I am never sure if I am deserving of, here I find myself constantly in dynamic new territory beyond knowing how to ‘be’, here it is demanded of me that I show up only in love and here I experience what I know to be the simple pleasure of being alive; but for most it is a pleasure beyond what they dare to dream.

And this proves a point I often find myself called on to share, only one of you has to change.  Yes, only one of you, and I recommend that you begin with you.  In this case, I lucked out, my beloved made a shift within himself and it was so fundamental, so profound that I could not help, but meet him in the moment.

I find the same thing happens when I am the one who has shifted.  Always.

It’s in the realm of like attracts like.  A profound opening inside of you will call that forth in the heart of your beloved, or vice versa.

When my heart opens, my body opens.  I think this is something that is often overlooked or misunderstood by men.  When my man is showing up for himself, when he is growing in his own way and when that power he finds within himself overflows and he showers me with his love, even when we are not in bed… it is so fucking hot.  Few things call to the heart of woman (or at least this woman) than a man in his power loving, loving, and loving her.  Loving her when she wakes, loving her when she sleeps, loving her when she dances, loving her when she cries… I would consider all of this essential foreplay.  Each moment feeling his love massages me and creates a sweet opening to take him inside of me.

Once inside, I can begin to unfold even further as I challenge myself to trust.  It is a challenge because I, like many women, have been raised to believe that I should never surrender to man, never let my guard down.  And yet, in honoring that way of thinking I have denied myself the true union which I long for more than anything else.