Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

Archive for Personal Stories

Beyond Clitoral Orgasms…

My Story of Re-Sensitizing my Vagina:

I was one of those women who, once I figured out how to have a clitoral orgasm (not until I was about 14 AND it was my boyfriend who encouraged me to touch myself…I said, ‘no, it will only feel good to me if you touch me’… where did I get that idea?)  Once I did figure out how to pleasure myself and how fucking great it was, I practically made a career out of it.  Thus, it was very easy for me to experience orgasm via my clitoris.

Up until about 4 years ago when my beloved and I got together, I had rarely, if ever, experienced vaginal orgasm, although I had begun to experience ‘full body orgasm’ through my Tantra practice without any stimulation from outside of me at all, simply from practicing the simplest meditations.

So, I was beginning to explore my body in new ways and I was curious and confused about why I was not very sensitive on the inside of my vagina.

When I got together with my love, I told him, ‘let’s try something new, I would like you to steer clear of my clitoris and I will too…I want to see what else I am feeling when you are making love with me’.  This was a great decision and we did it for more than a year.

What opened up inside of me was amazing.  I began to become more and more aware of the sensations in my vagina and within days…literally (now remember, I already had a developed Tantra practice, I was ripe for this) I was experiencing vaginal orgasm in many different ways.  As time went on, I began to experience waves of orgasm almost throughout the duration of our lovemaking, I learned how to relax into the waves until I was able to drop into TOTAL presence.  A feeling as if I was sitting in the bindu (center) point of orgasm, orgasm was expansive and never-ending rather than intense and explosive.  I also began to become so sensitive to him, and him to me, that I could feel and ride the waves of orgasm within his body, I even began to experience orgasm the moment he entered me, a wash of union… and this feeling would run through his body and mine together.

Now, that I have become more sensitive to all of the sensations, I bring in my clitoris when it feels right.  It is far less often than before and in many ways less interesting.  I share this with you because what I have discovered is AMAZING and possible for every woman.  The best part is that I don’t for a moment believe that I have discovered everything.  I continue to expand and I can’t wait to discover even more of what is possible in my own body and with my beloved.

Diana Richardson speaks at length about re-sensitizing in her book, ‘Tantric Orgasm for Women’. This book was a huge part of me learning to trust the natural intuitions that I had, even though many of them were in direct conflict with what I had learned through cosmopolitan magazine and how I had come to define myself sexually.

Are you ready to begin your tantric journey?

For those in the LA area:

http://eveningofawakening.blogspot.com/

For women in distant places:

7 week Home-Study Course available for pre-order:

http://awakentoyourbody.blogspot.com/

Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide. Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through coaching, events & home-study courses. If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at www.embodytantra.com and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

Hidden Behind Your Conditioned Behavior is the Best Orgasm You Have Ever Had

So much of how we are showing up sexually has been implanted by ideas from our friends, magazines, society.  So little of it is coming from within.  In fact, most of us have no idea how we would behave sexually if we had not been guided by these external forces.  Everything from the idea of what an orgasm should look like, to how often we should have them, to what our lover should do to give them to us, to how big or hard their penis should be or what is the best shape for her breasts.

What I have found is that actually what I have truly been craving sexually, what some small part of me deep inside has been calling for, was actually almost completely different than what I thought I wanted and how I was operating sexually.

For example, I used to be very attached to my explosive clitoral orgasm and I would often get into patterns with the men I was with where I would basically demand that they go down on me and bring me to an orgasm before I took them inside of me.  It was always ‘my turn first’ as it were, and I considered myself to be lucky to have partners who were willing to ‘make sure that I was satisfied’…

As I began to become more in tune with the messages in my body, that began to feel less authentic and I found myself opening up in different ways… I even noticed when I did follow that old pattern, I would become wet, but in some ways my vagina would be tight when I took my lover inside of me, rather than warm and open and receptive.  I noticed that it was when my lover paid attention to my breasts that my vagina would actually become totally receptive so that when I did take him inside of me, I was sensitive to him and I felt like I was inviting him in to a rich landscape.  My vagina would become so sensitive in fact, that I ultimately became orgasmic from the moment he entered my body.

This was a huge shift and it came not only from allowing myself to listen to the messages of my body, but also from giving myself permission to do it differently.  The book Tantric Orgasm for Women played a huge part in me discovering that I was not alone in this and reading it helped me to give myself permission to try things radically differently and say ‘yes’ to the voice inside of me.

Again, it is when we begin to truly connect within that we are able to hear these messages that we have overridden for most of our lives.

Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide. Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through coaching, events & home-study courses. If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at www.embodytantra.com and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

Upcoming Events with Charu

Beginner Tantra for Couples

Sunday August 9th 6pm . Culver City
$100 per couple / $75 when you register before July 26th
click here to register:
http://embodytantra.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=4317052

Evening of Awakening . Puja Ritual
Saturday August 15th 7-11pm
$60 per person / $50 if registered before Aug 1st
click here to learn more & register
http://eveningofawakening.blogspot.com/

Stillness in Lovemaking (and a secret lasting longer in bed)

I have said it before, and I will say it again… the bodies have a language of their own.  Most of us have stopped listening when our bodies talk and because of that we have suffered.  We have suffered because we have isolated ourselves, not only from each other, but most importantly from ourselves.

The other day my man and I were making love and he paused, as he often does, and rested inside of me.  With him resting inside my body I began to receive information from his body into mine.  An entire symphony of information.  It felt like a blooming, it began from his penis and then spread out through my body… reaching to the top of my scull and the tips of my toes, pressing against the inside of my skin to the outer edges of me.

He began to move again and it was as though the information withdrew or pulled back as he pulled back to thrust into me.  It was startling and unsettling.  As he continued to move gently in and out of me I noticed that I was consistently experiencing this unsettled sensation of trying to receive the information, but not being able to ‘pin it down’ or absorb it.  Fascinating.

Now, I there are other times when he is moving and I can fully receive what his body is sharing with me, and other languages where I can feel the building of fullness with the intense movement… moments where the way that he is penetrating me feels almost blinding and that feeling of losing control is profound in its own way…

And yet, this experience, which I have often had, of longing for him to stay still so I could drink in this deep knowledge of my man, inspired me to share with the world how important these moments of pause can be.

Many of us are caught in a habitual loop of feeling that we always have to ‘do’ something in lovemaking.  That there is some great technique that will wow our lover and make them love and approve of us or satisfy them beyond belief.  And sometimes within that we are missing the simple magic.  We are railroading over the very connection that we so long for, the connection that nourishes and enlivens.  The connection where two human beings actually enter into a union and open to one another.  Perhaps open and share in a way that is not possible with words or in daily interactions (as we know them).

So, I would like to invite you all to explore the stillness.  Allow it to teach you about what is possible between two bodies as it re-sensitizes you to the moment.

Men ~ it is important to understand that I have just exposed a valuable secret to lasting longer in bed… when/if you feel you are moving toward ejaculation and you would like to postpone it… don’t leave your woman by thinking of baseball or whatever techniques you have created to repress the energy.  Simply allow your body to relax, be still.  Yes, your erection may shift and change while you are still, you may not be as hard as when you are thrusting… this is okay.

Take this time to look your woman in the eyes, caress her body and allow yourself and her to simply relish in the connection between the two bodies.  When and if it feels right to move again you can, as the bond between you has ripened you may notice a new richness as you move inside of her.  You may even notice that your penis is more sensitive to what her body is truly longing for.  Within lovemaking you can pause as many times as you like and you may even choose to experiment with completing your lovemaking this way, simply allowing the charge you have built from moving the bodies to nourish you rather than ending with a big explosion.

There is no ‘right’ way to make love.  Explosions are wonderful, fucking is wonderful… and now you can begin to explore this concept of stillness and see what the process reveals to you about lovemaking and the possibilities.

Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide.  Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through events, workshops & home-study courses.  If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at www.embodytantra.com and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

In Tantric Relationship, The Honeymoon Never Ends…

Some of you may know that today I celebrate four years with my incredible man!  It is so amazing to share with a man so dynamically and fully.  Of course, I credit Tantra for giving me the tools and the context for showing up and allowing the relationship to undo me, rather than make me smaller or box me in.

I think there are a few major mistakes that we all make when it comes to relationship:

One thing is that we think relationship is there to make us happy… of course relationships can awaken us to joy and happiness, but anyone who has been in one knows that is not all there is to it.

In Tantra, it is thought that a Tantric relationship is one which specifically provokes old family dynamics and habitual responses. Within a conscious, Tantric relationship we are given the opportunity to meet those ‘trigger points’ head-on, learn how to stay present within them, and open to a new, perhaps unfamiliar way of showing up.

A way that is beyond ‘trading needs’ and that takes us into uncharted territory where I don’t count on my partner to ‘complete me’ as we see in so many movies, I go deeper with my partner by honoring myself, knowing myself and loving beyond my fear of losing.

This requires great courage and when you show up for relationship in this way, it can be the greatest teacher, perhaps the only teacher you will ever need.

I am not the woman I was four years ago.  Throughout this relationship I have become aware of some very limiting patterns that I have been ruled by for most of my life…because of my strong Tantric practice both before and during my relationship, I have broken through many layers that have kept true, authentic love at bay.  I am consistently surprised by what is possible between two people and by the true beauty of man.

When relating is dynamic in this way, and nourished in a foundation of a deep honor and respect for yourself AND your partner, the honeymoon never ends.  Every moment is a delicious surprise, you are consistently challenged and invited into new landscape.  Passion, desire and absolute love live here.

Want to use this article?  You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide.  Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through events, workshops & home-study courses.  If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at www.embodytantra.com and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

Throw Away Your Self-Help Books

Lately, I have noticed that I have been rather negative.  Thinking negative, sludgy thoughts, speaking of the things that are not going the way I would like in a negative way, and in many ways hanging out and bathing in this well of negativity.

It occurred to me that I have probably been creating a negative cloud around me and I should refer back to tools such as; the power of ‘thinking positive’.  Problem is, that whenever I consider tools around ‘positive thinking’ or ‘gratitude’ it makes me want to vomit.  Seriously, something just does not feel right about it.  Something is off.

When I have an internal ‘yes’ for something there is no stopping me.  I can feel it in my body, in my teeth, how right it is and the universe moves in order to support me in that yes.

I often feel this ‘yes’ when I meet a teacher who I resonate with, a person I want to spend more time with, a work partner… and, of course, I feel this yes for Tantra.

Yesterday, within my sludge of negativity, I had a fantastic day of delicious meditation.  I began in the afternoon with my meditation on the goddess Tripura Bhairavi, which I learned from a recent workshop with Parvathi and have taken on as a 40 day practice to embody the qualities of this goddess in my life… I then gave a private session where my client and I delved into Bio-energetic techniques to build the charge of life force and arousal in our bodies before allowing it to flow through us… and finally, I attended Dawn Cartwright’s Friday Tantra Experience class where we awakened to the Sutra ‘Unminding Mind, Be in the Middle, until…’

By the time I arrived at class I was already buzzing.  Within the first five minutes I felt something crack open inside of me and I was alive with absolute love and gratitude… I did not think this, it was an actual physical sensation.  I felt my absolute devotion to Tantra on a cellular level and my love for Dawn, for my beloved, for all my friends… and even for the strangers who shared in this evening with me. Ahhhh.

…And suddenly I knew why I feel sick when I think about positive thinking or gratitude lists…

What I am longing for, what I know to be real and true in my body, is so far beyond my negative thoughts, so far beyond changing my behavior or thinking in any way, what I am longing for isn’t even on the same planet as these concepts.  What I am longing for is simple, it is effortless, it is absolute reality and it awakens through my body.  Once I touch it, everything is transformed.  Negative thoughts are not a ‘problem’ because the story has dissolved.  I don’t need to ‘think positive’ or ‘be grateful’ because I am fully embodied.  The wholeness that I experience is in itself a radiant love and gratitude, and I don’t need to name it.

This is what I am holding for.  This is what I surrender everything to.  This is what Tantra has given me.

Ultimate Foreplay…

My beloved returned from an all-night sweat lodge on Sunday, warm and open.  He was so gentle, so melted and so alive that it was nearly impossible to hold back around him, although some part of me seemed determined to try.  I found myself running into a dangerous mindfuck which creates distance between me and man.

…and he just kept glowing and loving.  In his radiance I felt my resistance melting away and I was transported to a magical land… the present.  Here I was gifted with a love that I am never sure if I am deserving of, here I find myself constantly in dynamic new territory beyond knowing how to ‘be’, here it is demanded of me that I show up only in love and here I experience what I know to be the simple pleasure of being alive; but for most it is a pleasure beyond what they dare to dream.

And this proves a point I often find myself called on to share, only one of you has to change.  Yes, only one of you, and I recommend that you begin with you.  In this case, I lucked out, my beloved made a shift within himself and it was so fundamental, so profound that I could not help, but meet him in the moment.

I find the same thing happens when I am the one who has shifted.  Always.

It’s in the realm of like attracts like.  A profound opening inside of you will call that forth in the heart of your beloved, or vice versa.

When my heart opens, my body opens.  I think this is something that is often overlooked or misunderstood by men.  When my man is showing up for himself, when he is growing in his own way and when that power he finds within himself overflows and he showers me with his love, even when we are not in bed… it is so fucking hot.  Few things call to the heart of woman (or at least this woman) than a man in his power loving, loving, and loving her.  Loving her when she wakes, loving her when she sleeps, loving her when she dances, loving her when she cries… I would consider all of this essential foreplay.  Each moment feeling his love massages me and creates a sweet opening to take him inside of me.

Once inside, I can begin to unfold even further as I challenge myself to trust.  It is a challenge because I, like many women, have been raised to believe that I should never surrender to man, never let my guard down.  And yet, in honoring that way of thinking I have denied myself the true union which I long for more than anything else.

The Secret to Your Enlightenment Lies Between Your Legs…

Dear Friends,

In just an hour and a half you can begin to transform your relationship to lovemaking and in so doing change everything in your life.

Lovemaking is how we came into the world…the energy generated by sex is so powerful because it is the energy of creation, the energy of life. Let’s face it; most of us are not integrated in our sexuality. In my opinion, you can be as ‘enlightened’ as you like, but if you look at your relationships and your sexuality and there is stickiness there…chances are, you still have a long way to go in your spiritual development.

That is why Tantra speaks to me. It does not let me get away with anything. When I am in my head trying to figure something out, it reminds me to tune-in between my legs, connect with my body and in doing so touch the heart of the moment.

My body never lies…when I am present I can feel my heart open and my sex immediately unlock, making me feel more permeable not only to my lover, but to everything I come into contact with. When I am not present, even if I appear to be experiencing pleasure, my body locks down…revealing where I may still be holding back.

You can try this as a meditation in your life:

Check in with your body periodically throughout the day and notice if you are holding tension in your body, specifically your genitals and see what happens when you allow yourself to relax…you may find that some discomfort you have been trying to keep at bay suddenly bubbles to the surface.

This is a good thing.

It can bring you into awareness, allow you to release what you have been tightening around, and open the doorway to discovering what life and lovemaking can be like when you let down your walls of protection. This will take you a step closer to an intimate relationship with life and loved ones.

Tonight’s Tantra Life! Class (see details below) will explore this relationship between sexual arousal, tension, relaxation and absolute presence.

For those of you who are not in LA or can’t make it to tonight’s class…don’t worry, this meditation will soon be made available as an MP3 or CD for you to listen to in the comfort of your home and practice with your beloved.

In love,

Charu