Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

Archive for September, 2009

FREE Telesummit . Tantric Women in Relationship

I am so excited to announce that TOMORROW, Tuesday 4pm PST I will be beginning an amazing Telesummit featuring interviews with Tantric Women in Relationships.

The goal of this series is to explore how the wisdom of Tantra translates into modern relationships.  It is intended to inspire both women who are in relationship and those who are not by opening their eyes to the possibilities (men are more than welcome to listen too).   I was moved to do this series because of my own awakenings and challenges in relationship.

Through Tantra I have seen and experienced possibilities between two people that are completely out of the context of our societies model for relationship.  This delights me and it also raises new questions.  I see this series as paving a new path of possibilities for women who have seen only limited openings in relationship and also women like me who are dedicated to their personal practice, dedicated to living intimacy and longing for sisters on the journey.

Tomorrow’s interview will be with a beloved teacher and friend of mine, Antoinette Asimus of Tantra Heart www.tantraheart.com.  She and her Husband Richard discovered Tantra in 1996 after 29 years of marriage and have been practicing and teaching ever since.  My experience of them is loving and vibrant and perhaps most impressive is that they wake every morning together for their Tantra lovemaking practice… I am sure Antoinette will share more about that tomorrow…

You can register for all 5 interviews of this telesummit (yes for FREE) at www.tantricwomeninrelationship.blogspot.com.

I am truly excited to uncover the wisdom that these incredible women have to share.  I hope you will join me.

In love,

Charu

My Apologies to the Men…

To all the men out there… I must apologize.  It is true that over the last several months my focus has appeared to be on women.  I am sorry.

The truth is that I am cooking up something extraordinary for men, it is a project that is very close to my heart and I can’t wait to share it with you.  Problem is that I have had to admit to myself recently that I am not super-woman.  I know, it was as shocking for me as it is for you.  And because I am not super-woman I can’t do it all.  I have had to postpone my FREE seminar for men AND my special men’s home-study course until early next year.

I promise you, I am just as bummed as you are, but what I know is that it is going to be amazing and by trying to squeeze it in before year’s end I was not going to be able to show up with my best… and that is of the utmost importance to me.

So men, hang in there please! I do love you, I love working with you and I have much to share with you.

I would also like to add that the last several months have taught me so much about men.  For whatever reason, most of my coaching clients have been men lately, more specifically men in relationship.  What I have learned and seen in man has changed me.  I have seen dedication, love, devotion, passion.  I have seen the side of man that woman is waiting for.  And it is so beautiful.

I have also seen in myself and in woman, all of the many ways we play into a dynamic that keeps man from showing up in this way with us.  When he does not show up strongly, we feel justified in not surrendering and opening up to him.  When we don’t open up, we perpetuate the cycle of pain between man and woman that has been going on for hundreds of years.

Have you experienced this?  Men? Women?  I would love to hear your thoughts.  Feel free to leave them as comments here on the blog…I promise I do actually read every one.

P.S. I am beginning a monthly meditation teleclass THIS MONTH… open to both men and women.  And, the first month is FREE!  Men, if you are ready to dive in now, check it out http://tantralifemembership.blogspot.com/

She’s Come Undone…

A  few nights ago I experienced a very special evening with four other Tantric women.  There was dynamic conversation, shared history and transformational moments and then a sharing of a beautiful Tantric dance.  The dance and being in their presence totally changed me internally.  My body was on fire for several hours (I even ran through the sprinklers when I got home) and I felt an opening for my man in a new way.  I feel like it has been weeks since I have allowed myself to just be in my own loving, to allow that love to flow through me.

I periodically go through phases of being afraid that life is passing me by and feeling like I have to make some big change in order to live the life of my dreams.  I still have some of that ‘gotta MAKE it happen’ American spirit in me, even though I know that the most delicious gifts in my life have come to me through meeting the moment, and allowing.

The first time I remember feeling this way was when I was in high school, I felt totally trapped by my American suburban life and I had never been happy in school.  One day a girl, who I did not know, in my high school died.  I remember we had a moment of silence for her during chemistry class… during that moment I knew that I had to change my life, if I died tomorrow I would not be happy with how I had spent today.

That began my great journey of going from an honor student to dropping out of high school (with the support and blessing of my teachers).  I moved to New York to pursue my dream of studying and working as an actor.  More importantly, I finally experienced the freedom I was longing for my entire life.

I also had this feeling several times many years later when I was in Drama school in London.  The program was 12 hours a day and it was extremely emotionally draining.  The heart of the teaching was in many ways parallel to Tantra, about stripping away the layers that came between you and the essence of every human being.  However, the format was totally different.  Rather than a loving foundation and support system, the path that was taken felt manipulative… students ultimately went one of two ways, a few of us dove into our spiritual practice and most of the others became alcoholics and drug addicts.

In the intense fire of this program I remember several moments of sitting in the local cafe with my best friend and creating a plan of escape.  This was a dark and dingy life, we felt trapped in the program, trapped in rainy London… life was waiting, why didn’t we leave on a train right away and head to Spain to dance in the sun?  Why had we created this ‘stuckness’?

… in this moment in my life, even with the intense passion I had for breaking free, I decided to stay.  And it was the best choice ever.  The breakdowns and intensity made way for huge breakthroughs.  I spent my final year feeling absolutely loved and deeply seen by the very teachers I had once felt shamed by.  I realized with total certainty, that the intensity of the environment they provided for me was actually a gift of love.  They had loved me enough to allow me to hate them.  Through my hate, my loss of identity, my being stripped bare, I did touch something at the core of myself and it was beautiful.

There was an arc to the process that I was in and had I left when I was uncomfortable I might have missed the richness of the full experience.

And now, this moment in my life has been like none other that I can remember exactly.  I feel as though I am experiencing the repercussions of my saturn return.  28-30 were huge years of transition for me, but somehow the transitions did not feel extreme.  It is only now that I am living with all of the changes that have happened that I am feeling the intensity.

I feel like I have shared it many times already, but through this recent growth I have hit a real crisis point.  My business is finally growing to a point where I am actually bringing in more money than I ever have before.  I no longer have to be the ‘poor spiritual/artist type’.  I no longer get to have the luxury of complaining how hard it is to be passionate about something that people don’t understand the value of, and how this work has to be only a labor of love because it isn’t making any money.

I can see the place where I am becoming the woman I only knew in distant fantasies.  The one who is supporting herself and thriving being authentic and doing what she loves.

Only thing is, the way that I am creating it (perhaps there are other ways that I am not aware of) comes with so much responsibility.  It was uncomfortable not to have enough money, but there was something romantic about it.  I remember when I was traveling I thought about people who had recurring bills and I thought, ‘how stupid to do that, you become totally trapped by the system when you could simply be living in Thailand, with a beautiful hut on the beach, being who you are, doing what you love… why get involved in that system?’

And here I am, my monthly expenses piling up every month, each thing I add creates another opportunity to grow my business, creates more money, supports me in a new way, but I have been scared. Is this really who I want to be?

It is bringing up all of my issues around freedom. I once again begin to feel trapped.  I want to leave America, leave this crazy structure that I have created and I feel I am becoming a slave to… the feeling of being trapped and of panic even spreads into my relationship.  Everything that used to inspire me about partnership began to feel like an infringement on my life.  Rather than allowing myself to be supported by my relationship, I created exhausting conflict to prove to myself just how much better off I would be if I could be alone in a hut in Bali.

I found myself terrified that life would just go on and on like this and I would wake up one day never having what I most longed for, freedom and community.  I have been propelled by feeling like I need to ‘do’ something about this.

… and yet, somehow, some part of me knows that this is not real.  That I am growing into a new woman and I do have to let go of my old identity to step into her.  I didn’t mind doing that when the new identity seemed exciting and I got to play ‘entrepreneur Charu’… there is just so much more to it.

I feel like I am finally becoming an adult and I am afraid that I will fall into the same things that many of the adults in my life fell into, a reality that is relentless, with so much difficulty, and becoming resigned to so much less than you desired and dreamed of.

Some part of me has been afraid that if I allow myself to feel love and beauty in this space, that I will become comfortable just like they did, or everyone does and I will miss out on ‘the rest’… that magical fantasy world where I experience my most embodied self every moment of every day.

Where we all wake up together in the morning to my beloved friend Tony Kalife singing kirtan and Dawn Cartwright guiding us through a delicious meditation.  Where my sisters and friends support me when I can’t handle everything.  Where I can love and support them in ways that come naturally to me.  Where I can hear an intense conversation going on in the living area, someone having a snack in the kitchen, giggling in the backyard even as I sit at my computer.  Where I don’t feel so isolated, alone and like everything is on my shoulders.

… will the work that I am doing now ever lead me to that life?  Am I really pedaling in the opposite direction?  Or is this just a fantasy that keeps me from touching the reality?  Has this vision simply been my respite from my loneliness?

Am I supposed to be ‘doing’ something different to ‘make’ this vision happen?

Should I leave everything, head to Bali, get a hut big enough for several people, put out a shingle and see who joins me?  Would that be the brave thing to do?  Or would that be running away?

Or is the most difficult question to ask, even if I was free from my work, my relationship, my financial obligations… would I do that?

Although the questions are still very alive inside of me, last night gave me a taste of reality.  Through the fire in my body I gave myself permission to delight in what is happening and unhinge from my fantasy of what I would like to happen.  I felt a relaxation within myself, a felt a sweetness in my home, I felt my beloved and I met my life.

I woke up feeling overwhelmed, but happy.  I have a feeling in my belly of being undone.  I still don’t know what is ‘right’… I am still afraid of getting it ‘wrong’ and dying a fool.  Just another girl who got trapped by the system and didn’t live an extraordinary life.

But I am going to be brave and meet what is.  Feel my longing rather than try to satisfy it so it no longer haunts me.  Embrace my loneliness as one of my many guides on this journey… and see what unfolds.

in love,

Charu

P.S. are you longing to come undone?  Learn how Tantra can awaken and unwind you http://potentialforpleasure.blogspot.com

*Couples* How Are You Spending Your Time? A Simple Exercise…

Most of us put our sex life as the last thing on our “to do” list. Once we have worked all day, finished our tasks, spent time with the kids, watched our favorite shows, are full after dinner, and are totally exhausted – then its time for sex. What if you went to work like this? You wouldn’t be employed for long. How do we expect our relationships to grow and flourish and for that to be reflected in our sex life when we begin at such a disadvantage?

We cannot even BEGIN to embark on our tantric journey until we have looked at our priorities and have made a conscious choice to make time for each other.

Here is a simple exercise to help us get out of this cycle and begin this exploration:

(You will need a pen & paper)

Take a moment with your beloved, sit down and each of you make a list of how you spend your week. Account for each hour, include sleeping, eating, lovemaking, watching TV, talking on the phone, working, driving….anything that you do most every day and how many hours you spend doing it. Be as honest and precise as possible.

When you have finished share your list with your partner. Go over your lists together…does anything surprise you about how you have been spending your time?

How much time are you dedicating to each other? To your lovemaking?

… I thought so.  Chances are, the answer is ‘way too little’.

This is a great first step, now that you have some clarity, you can begin to make conscious choices.

How much time would you like to be investing in your relationship?  And this time is separate from time you spend with friends or family… how much intimate alone time can you commit to?

I recommend making a commitment to spend at least 3 hours each month together NOT at a movie, NOT out to dinner… spending intimate time loving one another.   (Seriously, this is a minimum, you would be AMAZED at how many couples are not even investing this small amount of time).  Over the next few months I will continue to share with you tools / exercises / games which will support you on these ‘intimate dates’ each month.

AND I offer my monthly event, The Easiest & BEST Date-Night EVER! for those who want to make the process effortless in your life that is already overwhelming.  No creativity necessary.  All you have to do is show up and you will experience the most bonding, joyful, delicious evening EVER!  The class itself is 2 hours so you still have 1 hour of your ‘intimate date’ to go home and fully relish all of the sweetness of the evening by integrating it into your lovemaking.  Yum!

The next event is THIS SUNDAY 9.6.09! Sign up NOW because the Early Bird ends TONIGHT!  click here to register.  See below for more information.

…here is what some other couples have shared:

“Finding tantra was like finding a long lost friend, it felt very natural and normal for my boyfriend and I to be with one another in a more sensitive, present, meditative, energetic, and exploratory way but no one had given us permission before. It was in us! But we needed someone to show us the way.

We had a huge break through after just one meeting. Not just huge – gigantic!

Our relationship changed forever after just one session. The work touched us so deeply, so quickly, so powerfully, we could not believe it.”

~Brooke

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The Easiest & BEST Date-Night Ever!
Learn How Tantric Meditation Can Enhance Your Love-Life…

Sept 6th . 6-8pm . The Hub, Santa Monica

$100 per couple . $75 if you register by MIDNIGHT TONIGHT

click here to register

*every class is DIFFERENT!  come EVERY month!*

Honor your partnership by spending a special evening connecting and sharing your deep gratitude and love for one another.   Not only will The Easiest & BEST Date Night be more adventurous than your typical dinner and a movie…it also has the power to change the dynamic of your relationship, giving you all of the tools you need to begin to approach lovemaking and all aspects of your relating in a new and ‘tantric’ way.

In a long-term relationship it can be difficult to make sure that you are consistently nourishing your love, connection and sex-life…this special evening offers a different Tantric meditation experience each month so you can effortlessly add a new dimension to your relating on a monthly basis.

By attending, you are taking an important step towards transforming your sex life, and perhaps even more importantly, you are taking a step towards an intimacy that few couples allow themselves to experience. This intimacy shifts the texture of everything you do in life and allows you to experience what you have truly been longing for in partnership.

This class is literally a step-by-step guide to support you in learning how to:

  • free blocks in your own body that are hindering your capacity for pleasure
  • deeply and intimately connect with your partner in totally ‘out of the box’ (no pun intended) ways
  • learn a simple ritual that will connect you and your partner on a completely new level….one that can immediately be put into practice when you make love

*there is NO nudity or sexual contact in the class*

Looking forward to seeing you there!

The BEST Date- Night / Intro to Tantra for Couples
September 6th 6-8pm . Santa Monica
$100 per couple / $75 if registered before Sept 1st
to register: http://www.embodytantra.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=4317052

*I am working on recording these so the audio will be accessible to people who are not in the LA area!