Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

Tantric Sex 101

One of the first things that drew me to Tantra was the prospect that I would become better in bed…that I might tap into some ancient secrets that would wow anyone that made it to my boudoir.

Thing is, it did, and I have, but not at all in the way that I imagined it would.

Far from a ‘fly-by-night guide to hot sex positions’ and ‘ways to drive your lover wild’, the Tantras are actually sacred texts.

It is important to understand some basic spiritual principles when embarking on a Tantric exploration:

  1. As my mother would put it, “the past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift, and that’s why they call it the PRESENT.” Many spiritual paths hold to the idea that the key to getting the most out of life is by understanding what it means to really be here now.
  1. The thing most seekers are looking for can be referred to as bliss,  a sensation in body, mind, and spirit that goes beyond feeling.  It can best be related to the way one feels when they first hold their child in their arms, the simple sweetness of smelling a flower and feeling it all through you.  Most of us have had glimpses of it when we are lying in the embrace of our beloved, as we simply forget everything else in the world and are overcome with love.  (Not to worry if this feeling does not sound familiar, bliss is ALWAYS around, we just don’t always have the sensitivity to recognize it.)
  1. THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE… beyond any theory, the thing that will take you deeper, faster is being honest, first with yourself, and then with all of those you relate to.

So, what does Tantra have to do with all of this?

Tantra is unique as far as paths go, because it embraces all of life, including sexuality as a vital aspect on the road to bliss.

The Tantras are scriptures of sorts that contain a series of meditations for experiencing the divine right here on earth!   These meditations contain anything and everything that may help you drop the past and the future and GET PRESENT, the present moment being the only true doorway to bliss.  So, it’s no surprise that at least a couple of the exercises that these texts offer explore lovemaking as a means to open this door.

Core Elements

1. Slowing down

2. Moving from excitement and tension to relaxation

3. Becoming orgasmic rather than having orgasms

4. Making love without an agenda

5. Tuning in to the innate relationship between masculine and feminine energies/poles of energy

Why would I want to experience ‘Tantric’ Sex?

Most of us are barely scratching the surface of what is possible sexually.  Even the tools that are offered to us to enhance our sex lives tend to be based in how we can get

ourselves excited.  And who doesn’t like to be excited?  What tantra asks is, what happens when we drop the goal oriented path towards orgasm?  When we drop any pre-conceived ideas of what sex or sexy is?

What we have come to describe as orgasm, is referred to in Tantra as a peak orgasmic experience.  This is defined as a build up of excitement and tension in the body leading to an explosion of energy for a few moments, and quite often a feeling of descending or losing energy after.  A term that is sometimes used in Tantra, is valley orgasm.  This, put very simply, is when we relax into our excitement and, rather than move towards an orgasm, we simply surrender ourselves to the pleasure and allow it to take us deeper and deeper into the present moment with our lover…this is truly bliss.

It comes down to a very simple fact…

Scientifically speaking, we as man and woman are drawn together to procreate, so it is fair to say that this sex-act holds a lot of energy.  This energy is available for us to open up to, whether we are creating life, or simply enjoying it by coming together in lovemaking.  Each gender represents a ‘pole’; the man’s penis representing the  positive pole, the woman’s vagina representing the negative.  Like any magnet, we are drawn together.  It is by tuning in to this energetic pull and trusting that our bodies have an intelligence of their own that we unlock the true mysteries of the union of man and woman.

So, how does Tantra work?

It is helpful to look at Tantra in three parts:

  1. Connecting to the self– knowing your own body, meeting yourself, relaxing and awakening to greater sensitivity
  1. Connecting to my partner– meeting them with greater sensitivity and awareness, slowing down, letting go of pre-conceived ideas of what this meeting will be like
  1. Connecting through my partner to the divine –allowing myself to experience the ‘magic’

    How do I start?

    Check out the Tantra sessions section of my website for some practical exercises.

    Important to know

    No two Tantra exercises are alike.  Tantra works with breath, movement, sound, and guided meditation-anything that will get you to re-connect with the true responses in the body.

    Other ‘meditations’ might include shaking the body, partner yoga positions, making sounds on different parts of your lover’s body, or blindfolding your partner and offering them things to delight their senses. Finally, Tantra offers some actual lovemaking techniques.

    Summing up

    Being on the Tantric path to bliss can be as simple as noticing how you are feeling in your own body as you interact with your lover, sharing the TRUTH of what you are going through in any given moment, adding eye contact to your lovemaking.  All of these, and any Tantric exercise, are simply ways of helping you to let go of the distractions and truly be PRESENT to yourself and your partner.

    As you embark on this exploration, remember just because these exercises might seem intense, they don’t have to be serious!  Tantra is very good-humored and light-hearted.  Have fun!

    Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide. Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through coaching, events & home-study courses. If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

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