Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

Archive for August, 2009

Tantric Sex 101

One of the first things that drew me to Tantra was the prospect that I would become better in bed…that I might tap into some ancient secrets that would wow anyone that made it to my boudoir.

Thing is, it did, and I have, but not at all in the way that I imagined it would.

Far from a ‘fly-by-night guide to hot sex positions’ and ‘ways to drive your lover wild’, the Tantras are actually sacred texts.

It is important to understand some basic spiritual principles when embarking on a Tantric exploration:

  1. As my mother would put it, “the past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift, and that’s why they call it the PRESENT.” Many spiritual paths hold to the idea that the key to getting the most out of life is by understanding what it means to really be here now.
  1. The thing most seekers are looking for can be referred to as bliss,  a sensation in body, mind, and spirit that goes beyond feeling.  It can best be related to the way one feels when they first hold their child in their arms, the simple sweetness of smelling a flower and feeling it all through you.  Most of us have had glimpses of it when we are lying in the embrace of our beloved, as we simply forget everything else in the world and are overcome with love.  (Not to worry if this feeling does not sound familiar, bliss is ALWAYS around, we just don’t always have the sensitivity to recognize it.)
  1. THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE… beyond any theory, the thing that will take you deeper, faster is being honest, first with yourself, and then with all of those you relate to.

So, what does Tantra have to do with all of this?

Tantra is unique as far as paths go, because it embraces all of life, including sexuality as a vital aspect on the road to bliss.

The Tantras are scriptures of sorts that contain a series of meditations for experiencing the divine right here on earth!   These meditations contain anything and everything that may help you drop the past and the future and GET PRESENT, the present moment being the only true doorway to bliss.  So, it’s no surprise that at least a couple of the exercises that these texts offer explore lovemaking as a means to open this door.

Core Elements

1. Slowing down

2. Moving from excitement and tension to relaxation

3. Becoming orgasmic rather than having orgasms

4. Making love without an agenda

5. Tuning in to the innate relationship between masculine and feminine energies/poles of energy

Why would I want to experience ‘Tantric’ Sex?

Most of us are barely scratching the surface of what is possible sexually.  Even the tools that are offered to us to enhance our sex lives tend to be based in how we can get

ourselves excited.  And who doesn’t like to be excited?  What tantra asks is, what happens when we drop the goal oriented path towards orgasm?  When we drop any pre-conceived ideas of what sex or sexy is?

What we have come to describe as orgasm, is referred to in Tantra as a peak orgasmic experience.  This is defined as a build up of excitement and tension in the body leading to an explosion of energy for a few moments, and quite often a feeling of descending or losing energy after.  A term that is sometimes used in Tantra, is valley orgasm.  This, put very simply, is when we relax into our excitement and, rather than move towards an orgasm, we simply surrender ourselves to the pleasure and allow it to take us deeper and deeper into the present moment with our lover…this is truly bliss.

It comes down to a very simple fact…

Scientifically speaking, we as man and woman are drawn together to procreate, so it is fair to say that this sex-act holds a lot of energy.  This energy is available for us to open up to, whether we are creating life, or simply enjoying it by coming together in lovemaking.  Each gender represents a ‘pole’; the man’s penis representing the  positive pole, the woman’s vagina representing the negative.  Like any magnet, we are drawn together.  It is by tuning in to this energetic pull and trusting that our bodies have an intelligence of their own that we unlock the true mysteries of the union of man and woman.

So, how does Tantra work?

It is helpful to look at Tantra in three parts:

  1. Connecting to the self– knowing your own body, meeting yourself, relaxing and awakening to greater sensitivity
  1. Connecting to my partner– meeting them with greater sensitivity and awareness, slowing down, letting go of pre-conceived ideas of what this meeting will be like
  1. Connecting through my partner to the divine –allowing myself to experience the ‘magic’

    How do I start?

    Check out the Tantra sessions section of my website for some practical exercises.

    Important to know

    No two Tantra exercises are alike.  Tantra works with breath, movement, sound, and guided meditation-anything that will get you to re-connect with the true responses in the body.

    Other ‘meditations’ might include shaking the body, partner yoga positions, making sounds on different parts of your lover’s body, or blindfolding your partner and offering them things to delight their senses. Finally, Tantra offers some actual lovemaking techniques.

    Summing up

    Being on the Tantric path to bliss can be as simple as noticing how you are feeling in your own body as you interact with your lover, sharing the TRUTH of what you are going through in any given moment, adding eye contact to your lovemaking.  All of these, and any Tantric exercise, are simply ways of helping you to let go of the distractions and truly be PRESENT to yourself and your partner.

    As you embark on this exploration, remember just because these exercises might seem intense, they don’t have to be serious!  Tantra is very good-humored and light-hearted.  Have fun!

    Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide. Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through coaching, events & home-study courses. If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at www.embodytantra.com and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

    Entrepreneurial Life & Tantra…

    Wow.  Over the last several months my business has been growing at an accelerated speed and through this I have learned so much about the relationship between being busy and being a woman.

    Basically, I noticed that with large doses of tasks, responsibilities, deadlines and hours staring at the computer screen… it is really difficult for me to feel like a natural, vibrant, alive, sensual woman.  It is difficult for me to remember to take time to nourish and care for myself and even more difficult for me to consider my relationship.  After all, cuddling wasn’t on my ‘to do’ list and it is definitely not getting me any closer to my ‘daily goals’.  YIKES!

    I also noticed that while in many ways I have become more confident as I come into my own, I have developed a bit of an ‘uppity’ edge when chatting with my sweetheart lately.  And not only that, but I have been seriously dumping piles of ‘I have been working all day and I need to download everything to you because I can’t hold it all inside of me’ onto him…. oh dear.

    Somehow in the middle of adjusting to this new me who has been carrying around my business like a tail everywhere I go, I managed to notice that for months my beloved has been complaining of back pain and I have done absolutely nothing to support him.

    I, who have studied therapeutic Yoga, reiki healing and generally is simply an expert with loving touch, have not stepped forward to show up and support my man in a simple way that could truly help his quality of life.  What have I been thinking?

    So, I made a choice.  An effortless one really because it is so rewarding and easy.  I have chosen to wake with my love and give him a therapeutic yoga massage every morning before he goes to work for at least the next 21 days.

    This covers so many bases, more than anything it gives me an opportunity to spend some time loving him that is not about unloading, talking, sharing, or even sex-ing.

    … I hope you are paying attention, because that was important.  How much time are you devoting to loving?  Yourself, your love, your family?  What else is there that could possibly be more important?

    It has only been two days and already magical things have opened up between us.  On day one we made eye contact while I stretched his leg and I suddenly saw my love, I saw the love that is inside of me reflected in his eyes, I saw the love that we share with one another, I forgot about my ‘to do’ list.

    I invite you to join me in a 21 day commitment to love.  What does that look like for you?  What is something simple that you can do to more fully experience the love in yourself and in your relationships?

    in love,

    Charu

    P.S. Want some help integrating Tantra into your life as part of your 21 day commitment to love?  Come and check out our BIG EVENT Evening of Awakening this Saturday 7-11pm in Santa Monica, CA http://eveningofawakening.blogspot.com

    P.P.S. Not local to LA, but you want to get started from home?  Check out my new home-study course for women http://awakentoyourbody.blogspot.com (men, yours is coming soon!)

    Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide. Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through coaching, events & home-study courses. If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at www.embodytantra.com and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.

    The Truth Train

    A Mythical True Story from February 2007…

    I feel like much of my life I had been waiting at the platform, waiting, waiting for the train to arrive. People would see me standing there and they would laugh at me, or comment amongst themselves how glad they were that it was not they who stood and waited. Some with kindness in their hearts even tapped me on the shoulder and told me stories of how there was no train and I should drop it and come inside where it is warm, they brought me sandwiches and an umbrella when it rained… shaking their heads as they watched the foolish girl at this lonely abandoned station.  They did whatever they could to ‘talk some sense into that girl’….but still I waited.

    I had a feeling that the train was there all along, but somehow I had lost my eyes to see it…and so I waited.

    One day the train arrived! Whoopie! It rolled to a stop and the conductor looked at me; warm, loving, open…even so he was stern with me, ‘do you know what it means to get on this train young lady?’
    ‘yes! I’ve been waiting my whole life, and now you’ve come! I am ready! I will do ANYTHING! I am so grateful that you have come for me!’

    ‘Do you understand that there is no more pretending?’

    ‘Yes, yes, I’ve been longing for this’

    ‘Do you understand that once you get on you cannot get off?’

    ‘There is nothing you can say that could deter me from this ride’, said I.

    and at that he helped me on board with a smile and a wink.

    Happily I travelled on the truth train, managing to stay on board as it bucked and swayed and made me aware of the edges I had come to trust.

    Until one day, quite recently, I met a man and I felt like a woman. And I tasted such sweetness, and I felt happy.

    I tapped the conductor on the shoulder, “excuse me sir, I think this is my stop.”

    “young lady, did I not tell you when we first pulled up to your station that there are no stops on this ride?”

    “yes, but…”

    He looked at me all at once stern and endlessly loving and I remembered.  I remembered what I had agreed to when I boarded the train, I knew that there was no stopping and no turning back.  I also knew that theirein lies the bliss…I had boarded this train in search of a sensation beyond my preference of happy or sad, I had boarded this train for truth and I shall stop at nothing less.

    I know that it is that very longing for truth that led me to this relating with man, and I know that this loving is far more profound than my fondness for happiness, this loving has the potential to show me all sides of myself, this loving has the potential to point me toward the deepest truth, the reason I boarded the train, the memory that I AM LOVE.

    And as I stumble along bumping into so many aspects of myself that I would rather not see in my attempts to be the perfect partner, lover, and beloved…some part of me sits in the knowing that the love that I am is far greater than the drama that I play with.

    The conductor watches me as I struggle, I feel him loving me and yet he does not come to save me from myself…he just holds me on this train and reminds me who I am.

    And so bring it on!  I say….I am ready for more than the shallow happiness that I have settled for, holding on to my visions of perfection at the expense of what is happening here and now.  I am staying on this train, I am taking it all the way home.  I know there is more to this life, to the love between man and woman and I refuse to stay safe.  I vow to die to my illusions and emerge in this love.

    Tantric Meditation in Palestine…

    Hello Beloved Friends,

    One of my friends and students is currently living in the West Bank in Palestine.  I wanted to share with you this beautiful essay about her experience of freedom amidst turmoil.

    The teleclass that she is referring to in the article is my FREE Teleclass;

    How to Unlock Your Potential for Pleasure Overnight and Rediscover Richness & Passion in your Relationship to Yourself, Your Loved Ones & Your Life.

    I will be teaching this class again sometime very soon so stay tuned if you are interested in learning more.

    Even I continue to be inspired and amazed by how Tantra can touch our lives in so many ways, on so many levels.

    Enjoy!

    in love,

    Charu

    ———————————————————————————————————————————————-

    Revelations while Shaking Free:

    I came home from work feeling frustrated and heavy.  This happens often for me as I have a difficult time sitting at a desk for 9 hours or so a day with very little physical movement and staring at a computer.  I find this to be a very violent state to have to live in day in and day out.  Furthermore, I am a bit of an emotional sponge so all the misdirected traumas and heaviness and abandoned emotions floating around in the ethers seem to flock toward me in search of some sort of refuge.  On top of all of this I am not yet living the life I have envisioned for myself (although I am definitely on that path).

    In the past when I would feel this state, which is often, I wouldn’t really know what to do with it and would typically numb it with some sort of substance or distraction, food, alcohol, weed, men, etc.    On this particular evening I decided to sit with it for a bit and see what came up. I went into my room and turned on some relaxing music, lit a candle and sat down. That’s when I remembered the Tantric shaking exercise that Charu reminded me (and other women) of in the recent teleseminar I listened in on.


    I recalled the instructions as this, set a timer for a specific amount of time, plant your feet in the earth, rest your jaw and your neck and shake as you need until the timer rings. Afterwords, be sure to take time to integrate the meditation and the movement that has just happened in your body for an equal amount of time.


    So I did just that! Now I’ve never done this exercise alone before so I was mindful to be sure to hold space for myself and be present and mindful with whatever came up! As I began to shake I would vacillate between being too much in my head and going with the sensations taking place inside my body.


    The more I felt into those sensations and allowed them to shake my body the less in my head I was. And it was an incredibly powerful experience! And on it went my body shaking and deep grunts and howls coming from inside my womb.


    Because I am currently living and working in the West Bank, Palestine I have been intimately up close with many of the horrors that human beings can inflict upon each other. Being Palestinian myself it has been such a personal experience and deeply painful one that often makes me want to jump right out of my skin.

    Needless to say it has been a difficult experience to digest and process.


    While doing this exercise many revelations came to me. I found myself growling and grring like an animal and twisting my face fiercely. And all I could think when I was doing this was that I was somehow affirming life by facing some of the horrors of life. And like a mother protecting her children I was showing this anti-life energy that I was a force to be reckoned with and that energy could not play itself out in my body.


    I was also noticing that the deep guttural sounds coming from me were originating from my womb. Suddenly my womb felt very heavy and full of pain yet this made sense to me since the womb is literally a sort of cave that is receptive to things. And the deeper I went into my womb and released these sounds the more turned on and alive I felt. I think I actually got wet from this and was acutely aware of the pain I have been storing there and how closely it seemed to resemble pleasure as I allowed myself to touch and feel it. I felt like I was on the verge of having an orgasm.


    I also realized that in many ways I have been using sex as a way to access this pain. It is like in some way the act of a man being inside of me is how I can be inside the heart of this pain vicariously through this person. And in the past this was the only way I could “safely” access this pain because I’ve been taught growing up that as a woman I need a man to feel safe in the world.


    Then the timer rang and it was time to relax into these integrations. I took my time going to lie down on the ground and paced around a bit before I laid on my stomach to do a kundalini yoga meditation technique that clears your arc line. Your arc line is a column running down the center of your body. For a woman she retains subtle imprints of every single man she has been intimate with in her arc line. The reasoning for this on a subtle energetic level is if a man were to die after impregnating a woman then the child would know who his father is.


    During the meditation I was able to completely relax in a way that is typically very difficult for me. After the timer rang I again took my time before getting up acting as if I had all the time in the world. I felt in such a state of buoyancy and bliss and truly felt like a completely new and different person than I was just 30 minutes ago.


    It was profound and penetrating especially being in this part of the world where shame is rampant and sex is taboo.  It is amazing to me that tantra can continue to work and unfold its lessons within me even when I feel so far away from not just regular workshops but any sort of acceptance of this sort of healing.  I came out of this exercise feeling powerful and willing to continue to do this sort of work.

    ~D.

    ————————————————————————————————————————————————

    P.S. Want to learn more about how you can explore Tantric Meditation?  Go to www.embodytantra.com and join our mailing list to receive juicy weekly articles on Tantra, listings of upcoming events and a FREE Audio Class, ‘Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra’.

    Beyond Clitoral Orgasms…

    My Story of Re-Sensitizing my Vagina:

    I was one of those women who, once I figured out how to have a clitoral orgasm (not until I was about 14 AND it was my boyfriend who encouraged me to touch myself…I said, ‘no, it will only feel good to me if you touch me’… where did I get that idea?)  Once I did figure out how to pleasure myself and how fucking great it was, I practically made a career out of it.  Thus, it was very easy for me to experience orgasm via my clitoris.

    Up until about 4 years ago when my beloved and I got together, I had rarely, if ever, experienced vaginal orgasm, although I had begun to experience ‘full body orgasm’ through my Tantra practice without any stimulation from outside of me at all, simply from practicing the simplest meditations.

    So, I was beginning to explore my body in new ways and I was curious and confused about why I was not very sensitive on the inside of my vagina.

    When I got together with my love, I told him, ‘let’s try something new, I would like you to steer clear of my clitoris and I will too…I want to see what else I am feeling when you are making love with me’.  This was a great decision and we did it for more than a year.

    What opened up inside of me was amazing.  I began to become more and more aware of the sensations in my vagina and within days…literally (now remember, I already had a developed Tantra practice, I was ripe for this) I was experiencing vaginal orgasm in many different ways.  As time went on, I began to experience waves of orgasm almost throughout the duration of our lovemaking, I learned how to relax into the waves until I was able to drop into TOTAL presence.  A feeling as if I was sitting in the bindu (center) point of orgasm, orgasm was expansive and never-ending rather than intense and explosive.  I also began to become so sensitive to him, and him to me, that I could feel and ride the waves of orgasm within his body, I even began to experience orgasm the moment he entered me, a wash of union… and this feeling would run through his body and mine together.

    Now, that I have become more sensitive to all of the sensations, I bring in my clitoris when it feels right.  It is far less often than before and in many ways less interesting.  I share this with you because what I have discovered is AMAZING and possible for every woman.  The best part is that I don’t for a moment believe that I have discovered everything.  I continue to expand and I can’t wait to discover even more of what is possible in my own body and with my beloved.

    Diana Richardson speaks at length about re-sensitizing in her book, ‘Tantric Orgasm for Women’. This book was a huge part of me learning to trust the natural intuitions that I had, even though many of them were in direct conflict with what I had learned through cosmopolitan magazine and how I had come to define myself sexually.

    Are you ready to begin your tantric journey?

    For those in the LA area:

    http://eveningofawakening.blogspot.com/

    For women in distant places:

    7 week Home-Study Course available for pre-order:

    http://awakentoyourbody.blogspot.com/

    Want to use this article? You can as long as you include the following: Charu Morgan has dedicated her life to Tantra. Over the past 10 years she has studied and shared Tantra worldwide. Best-known for her candid Memoirs of a Tantrika blog and her down-to-earth approach, she is committed to educating modern minds on the ancient secrets of Tantra through coaching, events & home-study courses. If you would like to discover how Tantra can Transform your life, register online for the Memoirs of a Tantrika weekly ezine at www.embodytantra.com and receive your free audio report Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra.