Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

Ultimate Foreplay…

My beloved returned from an all-night sweat lodge on Sunday, warm and open.  He was so gentle, so melted and so alive that it was nearly impossible to hold back around him, although some part of me seemed determined to try.  I found myself running into a dangerous mindfuck which creates distance between me and man.

…and he just kept glowing and loving.  In his radiance I felt my resistance melting away and I was transported to a magical land… the present.  Here I was gifted with a love that I am never sure if I am deserving of, here I find myself constantly in dynamic new territory beyond knowing how to ‘be’, here it is demanded of me that I show up only in love and here I experience what I know to be the simple pleasure of being alive; but for most it is a pleasure beyond what they dare to dream.

And this proves a point I often find myself called on to share, only one of you has to change.  Yes, only one of you, and I recommend that you begin with you.  In this case, I lucked out, my beloved made a shift within himself and it was so fundamental, so profound that I could not help, but meet him in the moment.

I find the same thing happens when I am the one who has shifted.  Always.

It’s in the realm of like attracts like.  A profound opening inside of you will call that forth in the heart of your beloved, or vice versa.

When my heart opens, my body opens.  I think this is something that is often overlooked or misunderstood by men.  When my man is showing up for himself, when he is growing in his own way and when that power he finds within himself overflows and he showers me with his love, even when we are not in bed… it is so fucking hot.  Few things call to the heart of woman (or at least this woman) than a man in his power loving, loving, and loving her.  Loving her when she wakes, loving her when she sleeps, loving her when she dances, loving her when she cries… I would consider all of this essential foreplay.  Each moment feeling his love massages me and creates a sweet opening to take him inside of me.

Once inside, I can begin to unfold even further as I challenge myself to trust.  It is a challenge because I, like many women, have been raised to believe that I should never surrender to man, never let my guard down.  And yet, in honoring that way of thinking I have denied myself the true union which I long for more than anything else.

1 Comment»

  Philip S. Knight wrote @

We Are All Soul-Sexy

A gentle yet powerfully inspiring article that points to the wider aspect of self or Self.

While my life trajectory has been far more solitary due to certain challenges, I know the effect of attuning one’s overall inner harmonic away from fear-based into and as love (or Love)-based perceptions.

One doesn’t need an intimate lover to see the effects of it, or even be witness to its effects. It is in a sense, the life-blood of true perception.

It flows back to a form of universal truth applicable to any life situation — and pardon my re-use the quotation I put in my first comment about your blog: “The softest thing in the universe overcomes the hardest thing in the universe” (Tao Te Ching).

Whether through a sweat lodge experience or simply periodically allowing the harmonic of metta (loving kindness) as a backdrop to whatever one is doing, this softening transmits itself to the world around us.

In your deliciously elegant description of how your beloved’s harmonic affects you sensually and otherwise, one could almost say that it is symbolic of the transmutation of “swords into plowshares” of the yang or masculine.

Or in Tantric lingo, as the lingam-wisdom of our consciousness is rooted in and as the light of Love, the yoni-heart in ourselves and others willingly widens its welcoming trust of who and what we are.

Some of us are fortunate to have intimate mirrors and pointers of this dynamic through another person in sensual ways, others not. But none of us need be separate from this union within ourselves.

We are both the radiant lingam and glowing yoni in a up-spiraling dance of being the giver and receiver of loving presence and intent.

Even when we are seemingly totally alone, just standing in our kitchen before or after a good or bad day.

Werther we are in a relationship or not, be we hetero, bi or gay.

Or for that matter, how so-called “enlightened” or awakened we think or feel we are.

Put in more personal terms, I can still only yearn to have a relationship such as you have, Charu. I still haven’t met my dakini yet and perhaps never will due to said challenges or dharma-in-disguise.

However it doesn’t mean I am less of soul, a man or a lover than your beloved or the growing ranks of others like him.

(And as the suggested perspective and “One Man’s Sensual Intention” poem at my site may hint, I also don’t hold back on experiencing this sensually just because my outward dakini hasn’t shown up yet 🙂

But I digress somewhat.

As your story clearly illustrates, the ultimate life foreplay is the softening of fear-hardened awareness which show up in such subtle to collective ways in our lives every day.

How this gentle widening occurs and affects ourselves and others will differ and be paced according to how we are wired, as well as who and what we have (or don’t have) in our lives.

However the destination or love-making is the same:

The softening or lightening of our steps within the journey we are, moment by moment.
In other words, the ultimate foreplay and love-making is available at any time.

Through and as any of us, for all of us can be soul-sexy. Whoever and wherever we are.

All it takes is the whisper of one loving thought.
Right here, right now.

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