Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

Archive for March, 2009

This Tantra Stuff Really Works…

As a woman who has been in relationship for almost four years now, I am consistently amazed at how being in Tantric ritual can completely transform me and bring me back to a place where I am available for love.

I am now at a phase in my relationship where I am constantly coming into contact with parts of myself which are afraid of being so close to someone and in that space it is often difficult to feel that flow of love that came so easily in the beginning. At the ritual last night I noticed parts of myself which have been locked down, while I am busy creating my dream life and building my career, suddenly come to the surface again.

I opened my eyes to see my love before me and I could taste him with my eyes, my hands began to feel intuitive inspirations…I could hear his body telling me how he longed to be touched… I could feel him touching me as though his hands moved beyond my skin and inside of me, my resistance to life melting away. I felt as though my body and his body were glowing, I needed nothing.

In the middle of the night we found each other and made love with a reverence and newness.

He reluctantly left my side this morning, saying how he hated leaving me and how he wanted nothing more than to spend the day by my side. I could feel the magnetic pull between us. Yum.

This Tantra stuff really works…

Come check it out tomorrow night at the Tantra Life! class. This will most likely be the last weekly drop-in class that I offer for a while, maybe ever.

Hope to see you there!

in love,

Charu

Tantra Life!

Tuesdays . 7:30-9pm

$30 per person Culver City . email us for address

Tantra is a powerful path of meditation which focuses on bringing awareness and presence to the body Learning to integrate Tantra and live a Tantra Life is a process of surrender. That process is facilitated by the meditations. Practicing them on your own is a part of it, and gathering together to immerse ourselves in the essence of who we are is a sure-fire way to accelerate the process….not to mention how fun and delicious it feels.

This weekly class is my offering to you, a chance to spend at least an hour and a half a week immersed in Tantra. I invite you to leave your mind at the door and allow this to be your vacation from your life as you know it. A place where you can allow yourself to be surprised by the possibilities and experience yourself fully.

Some Benefits of Puja Ritual…

At my Valentines Puja, I had an incredible experience.  I looked across from me at my beloved and I saw him.  I saw his love, his devotion, his innocence, his longing…and for the first time in a long time, I dropped my fears and self-imposed isolation and met him.

My love and I have a wonderful relationship.  And in my humanness, as I have gotten closer and closer to him I seem to have touched another protective layer inside of me.  A programming telling me that it is dangerous to be so close to someone.  A defense mechanism which may have once kept me safe, but now keeps me at an arms length from life.

In that simple moment, during the Puja ritual, I was gifted with a sensation of all the walls coming down. I saw and felt what is possible between lovers.  A feeling we sometimes allow ourselves to taste when we are first falling in love, but quickly squelch as we begin to grasp for security over the ripe, ever-changing truths of life.

The tantric meditations open a door, a door to what is possible beyond the ‘safe’ structures you have created to live comfortably within.  It offers a world filled with intimacy, aliveness, and possibilities.

Whether you are longing to re-connect with your beloved in a new way, or you are eager to discover the riches of life as you become more and more present to yourself…I invite you to join me at this weekend’s Puja ritual to support you on your journey.
Whether you are longing to re-connect with your beloved in a new way, or you March Tantra Puja
Sunday March 29th 6-10pm (singles and couples welcome)
Early Bird EXTENDED until THURS! $50 if registered by midnight on 3.26.09/ thereafter $60 per person
click here to register
http://embodytantra.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=3521066

What is a Tantra Puja?

A Puja is a prayer. In Tantra, our prayer is recognizing the divine in every human being, our temple is the body. In a Puja ritual each man will have the opportunity to partner with each woman for a simple exercise or meditation. The Tantric meditations use breath, movement, sound, and guided meditation to enrich each meeting throughout the ceremony. Attending Couples may choose to work solely with each other.

*there is no nudity or sexual contact in the classager to discover the riches of life as you become more and more present to yourself…Embody Tantra has an offering for you this March.

What is Authentic Sexuality?

As the things that used to titillate me and turn me on dissolve, I find myself asking what is it to be ‘turned on’ when it does not come from my brain?

It seems to me that most of the things that are sexually exciting to us as human beings fall under one of the following categories:

1. forbidden in some way/ ex. making love in public

2. inaccessible, unrequited/ ex. lusting after someones spouse

3. ‘bad’, unethical, just plain ‘wrong’/ ex. sleeping with someones spouse, a teacher, co-worker

4. shameful/ ex. longing for some sordid sexual act

5. punish-able/ ex. (see ‘bad’, unethical)

6. somehow involving control/ ex. a feeling ‘if I am sexy enough to win this persons attention, I have ‘won’ control over them

For some(most) of us, we have been raised so isolated from sex and sexuality that we are turned on by anything sexual because to us it somehow falls into one of these categories.

And yet, when we find ourselves in loving, committed relationships, these elements are generally not a part of it, or if they are, the novelty wears off after a while and we are left with a person we love, who loves us and…???  How in the world do you get turned on within such freedom and love?

I always had a feeling that most of the time when I felt ‘titillated’ it came from my brain…being a meditator I imagined that as I let go of listening to what my mind was telling me, and little by little found my way back to the wisdom of my body, that all of these turn-ons would go away and I would begin to discover what is ‘authentic sexuality’.

I believe that I have had moments of this.  The first of which occurred for me in India at the Osho commune.  Each evening we would do a 3 hour meditation which involved dancing, listening to a lecture, speaking gibberish (making sounds), and resting silently…whenever I would participate in this meditation I would feel my heart open, and with it, my vagina.  I would often leave the meditation hall feeling a slippery wetness dripping down my legs…I felt very alive, and none of it came from stimulating my brain or what I had come to believe was sexy.  It was simply a bodily response.

I have also felt this several times within my relationship, moments when I have felt so loved, and allowed myself to receive that love…as my heart would open, my vagina would open in a completely genuine, alive delicious way.

…and, of course, one of the main things that drew me to Tantra, and that keeps me consistently dedicated to this practice is that in Tantra I have often felt the sweet, authentic, connected opening that I so long for.

Several times in my life, including right now, I have felt a wall come up, or a switch has been flipped ‘off’.  The things that once turned me on no longer do and I feel strange and slightly less than human.

Although I regularly practice opening my heart and my body, it seems that the door to my authentic sexuality does not yet know how to stay open consistently and I find myself in an uncomfortable numbness.  Or perhaps it is that as I am opening more and more and journeying deeper into unknown territory inside of me, I am gradually uncovering walled-off areas that I had been able to avoid when I was more disconnected.  Perhaps there was a more comfortable layer of behavior that has been burned away by the meditation and I am sitting with parts of myself that I had been safely avoiding.

My intuition says that something beautiful is happening for me, that I am meeting a new side of myself and as I allow myself to feel what is happening in my body, I will begin to discover a new level of authenticity…perhaps make new ground-breaking discoveries about what is available between man and woman.  Perhaps touch the depths of myself on a new level and learn to experience even more of life, even more of lovemaking, even more intimacy.

In the meantime, I am having trouble letting go and allowing.  I feel confused, frustrated and wrong for experiencing this.  I feel a responsibility to satisfy my partner, I feel a pressure from within to ‘hurry up and get through this’ so that I can again feel alive the way that I once did.

I am afraid of the unknown.  Afraid of what comes after this point.

The point beyond excitement into a discovery of essential arousal.

in love,

Charu

P.S. if you are interested in discovering your own authentic sexuality come and join us for one of our upcoming events:

Tantra Puja

March 29th / 6-10pm/ Santa Monica / $60 per person

Tantra Life! Weekly Classes

Tuesday’s / 7:30-9pm / Culver City / $30 per person

email us for address details: charu@embodytantra.com

Results from a weekly Tantra practice..

Friends,

On Friday I had the pleasure of attending a Tantra class with my beloved friend and teacher Dawn Cartwright.  I felt a tremendous opening in my body (as I always do after a Tantra class) and the most remarkable things shifted in my life…

I went home with a warm feeling in my body and an availability for closeness and love that felt new.  I felt alive even as I slept and when I awoke, something amazing happened…

In the beginning of my relationship, almost every Saturday, my beloved and I would begin the morning melting into one another, cuddling and making love…it would set the stage for a delicious day of enjoying one another.  Recently, the ebb and flow of life and busyness has prompted my beloved to choose to jump out of bed on a Saturday morning (long before I am ready to rouse) and begin his day.

Even when he has had every intention of joining me back in bed when I was ready to wake up, it would still jar me and I would feel upset as I awoke to an empty bed.

This Saturday, after a delicious cuddly and connecting sleep, I woke up to him loving me…the urgency to jump out of bed to ‘get stuff done’ seemed to have disappeared for him.

Here is the thing, my beloved did not change… I changed.

I brought a part of myself home with me that had recently been buried by my own fears, insecurities, and behaviors.  I had been getting into bed with only a part of myself and a strict list of expectations for how he ‘should’ behave in the mornings.  But on this Friday, I brought home a sweet, soft, gentle, loving woman…ready to receive my man’s love.

And without me saying a word, he got it.  He felt some part of me inviting him to be close to me that he could not ignore…it shifted everything about the way we related that morning and we did not even need to verbally communicate about it.

In fact, in the past when I would try to talk to him about how I felt when he would jump out of bed, it would usually be coming from a place of anger and blame from my side and it was never well received…which created more distance when what I thought I was longing for was closeness.

It was the simple opportunity to take 2 hours and immerse myself in meditation, immerse myself in the wisdom of Tantra, to discover what was true in my body, beyond words, beyond stories, beyond decisions about who I am or want to be…which created a place where our love could unfold.

This is what is so exceptional about a weekly Tantra practice.  This and so much more…

I hope you will join me as we begin another ‘Tantra Life’ series tomorrow night.

in love,
Charu

Tantra Life!
VENUE CHANGE . please email us for new address if you plan on attending!
FIRST Tuesday Class TOMORROW! March 17th
7:30-9pm / $30 per person

Tantra is a powerful path of meditation which focuses on bringing awareness and presence to the body

Learning to integrate Tantra and live a Tantra Life is a process of surrender. That process is facilitated by the meditations. Practicing them on your own is a part of it, and gathering together to immerse ourselves in the essence of who we are is a sure-fire way to accelerate the process….not to mention how fun and delicious it feels.

This weekly class is my offering to you, a chance to spend at least an hour and a half each week immersed in Tantra. I invite you to leave your mind at the door and allow this to be your vacation from your life as you know it. A place where you can allow yourself to be surprised by the possibilities and experience yourself fully as we explore one of the 112 Tantric meditations.

*all classes are fully clothed with no sexual contact


Conflict Resolution Tantra Style…

I have been experiencing some rather monstrous PMS this month and  it seems to have unleashed a side of me that is aching for conflict so that I can isolate myself and complain about how lonely I am. 😉

Yesterday, I as soon as I awoke, I had it in for my beloved.  I kept trying to find the side of myself that knows how to bring us closer, but the angry bitch kept running the show.  No matter what he said, it was wrong and even when I would try to show up in a loving way, I had an edge that was silently saying, ‘fuck you’.

I achieved my goal of facilitating an argument that could have debilitated our connection for the entire day.  We both became exhausted by it and we had created a sufficient cloud covering up the parts of ourselves and one another that we love to be around.  Yikes.  Just as I was about to storm out of the room and go through my ‘cooling down’ process of showering for way longer than I need to (secretly hoping that the warm water will wash away the conflict inside of me) and then crawling into bed in my bath robe to cry, I remembered something I had shared with a friend just a few nights before…

This friend was experiencing challenges in her relationship and she did not know how to approach the conflicts in a different way.  Both partners often turned cold and conflicts would end with them turning to stone and going about their day without resolution.  I told her that the most effective thing to do in these moments of conflict is simply to put aside your ‘story’ and hug your man.

Yup, just at that moment when you would like nothing more than to escape the presence of your lover, or to kill them with your bare hands, instead put your body next to theirs, wrap your arms around them and breathe.

…and I decided to take my own advice.  Something I used to remember to do much more in the beginning of my relationship.  Somehow, as time as gone by I have been choosing to ‘prove my point’ above choosing to love my partner.  I asked my love if we could hold one another…it was difficult to even get the words out because I was in the thick of wanting to hate him and make him wrong.  As soon as I said it he opened up completely.  He smiled and laughed and took me in his arms, he thanked me for making a different choice, for being brave and creating a space for us to come together.

At first I was relieved to feel some sweetness between us, and then the burning began.  The burning feeling in my body of being close when all I want is to run away and isolate.  More sweetness, more burning…and then a remembering of the love.  Before my eyes, this man who moments ago was my arch enemy began to transform into my beloved again.

I invite you to try this the next time you experience a challenge with your love…after you try it, if you feel moved, come back to the blog and share what your experience of it was.

in love,

Charu

P.S. Discover tantra…

Ladies~ March 15 10am-4pm Women’s Transformation Event

Everyone ~ the next Puja Ritual will be March 29th 6-10pm

charu@embodytantra.com for more information and to register