Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

Archive for May, 2008

Sleeping with Monsters

Facing the uncomfortable feelings…

How much energy do we spend running away from our pain? Most of us tamp it down into dark corners of our bodies and lock many inner-doors to avoid feeling it, this creates tension and makes it less and less likely for us to experience pleasure. When we begin to open up to the love that is available to us in life it starts to shine through and it awakens the body and blasts open these doors that we have locked shut.

My favorite example of this is once in the beginning of my relationship, my love said he would take me to the movies….by the time he got home from work and changed his clothes and came to pick me up it was too late for a movie…we would have to go out to dinner instead. I was DEVASTATED! (This is one way that you can know a present life situation is awakening a past pain…the response is enormous in comparison to the event. This is a good thing). Rather than tamping it down again or throwing it back onto those around you to move away from the discomfort in your own body, you have an opportunity to bring awareness to it, allow it to ‘live itself out’ and make more space for aliveness, love and flow in your body once and for all. As far as I am concerned this is the only true way to transform…allowing these monsters to live fully until they tire themselves out and make way for more love.

In fact, the more love you are experiencing in your life…the more monsters you will potentially unleash. It is the love that shines and flows through the body…busting open those locked-down places that are holding experiences that we did not know how to cope with when they first showed up in our lives. Now, with love and awareness, we can allow them to live, look them in the face, not run from them and be freed forever. Here is the thing though, in my experience, this process is never-ending. Meaning that once you begin to face your monsters, and open up those locked down doors as you make way for more and more love to flow through your body, your life becomes an ongoing adventure of unraveling the ‘stuckness’ inside of yourself and facing monster after monster that has been getting in the way of you living your life in freedom and love.

As my own journey has evolved, contrary to what I had pictured, rather than look the monster in the eyes and become enlightened forever, I actually have found myself living a life side-by-side with my monsters. Watching them change form, become angels and devils and everything in between and generally experiencing gratitude when they show their strange and ugly faces… whoopie! Another opportunity to live fully! Another opportunity to experience more and more pleasure in my body! Another layer of what has been holding me back uncovered!

See, and here is the thing…people always want to know how to have more or better orgasms…and this is how it happens. It does not happen by fiddling or pressing or licking. It happens when we are brave enough to get in bed with our monsters, courageous enough to look them in the eyes and through this process we make way for more and more pleasure and love to flow through our bodies. I am orgasmic the moment I feel my Beloved’s penis inside of me. I did not learn how to do this from a book, or an overnight fix, or a magical pill or vibrator. I experience pleasure because of the continuing relationship I have with the sensations in my body and my warrior-like quest to face my fears and all that holds me back.

Tantric Orgasms

What is an orgasm exactly?

Most of us have come to believe that an orgasm is that moment after a build up of energy in our genitals when we experience a feeling of ‘explosion’ or ‘release’ and usually a drop-off in energy after. Often when we have this kind of orgasm, we create tension in the body and hold our breath in order to ‘achieve’ it. We are usually referring to a sensation from the past that we would like to experience, and we are dreaming of the future when we will again be filled with that rush of pleasure…..all fine, but what about being here and now?

Any meditator knows that the thought behind any and all forms of meditation, inculding Tantra, is to be totally present to what is happening NOW. The idea is that beyond our thoughts from the past or the future, lies the true bliss that this moment has to offer.

In Tantra, we say that we are actually orgasmic beings. Which means that when we are totally present to this moment, in our body, and we are free from tension and blocks, we are actually in an orgasmic state. WHOOPIE!

Suddenly, this makes meditating sound a lot more interesting…

So, if I am an orgasmic being….then why would I spend my energy trying to ‘have an orgasm’? I don’t need to. What would happen if when I experienced that feeling of arousal in my genitals instead of tensing my body and thinking of how I want to have an orgasm, what if I relaxed my body and allowed the arousal to show me a new sensation? One that is not based on the past or the future, one that is unfolding right here and now in my body.

The truth is that there is MUCH more pleasure available for us than we have allowed in. The Tantric meditations have been one of the tools that have allowed me to discover the pleasure in my body, but the most powerful discoveries have come from within. The moments when I have dared to relax my body and allow it to take me to the places that I may have been avoiding while I was heading for my precious ‘orgasm’.

What my body has shown me is a sensation of aliveness running all through me, arousal encompassing my entire body, a feeling that I can best describe as sitting in the center of the 2-3 second orgasms I had become accustomed to. This pleasure can stretch out forever because it is simply my natural state, rediscovered. I can experience this state throughout my lovemaking, and beyond that I can experience it in everything that I do. Sipping a cup of tea, working at my computer, chatting with a friend. The only thing that is required is that I keep breathing, relax my body, and allow life to surprise me.

For more information about how you can discover this orgasmic state check out one of Embody Tantra’s April classes or read more about it in my very favorite book Tantric Orgasm for Women. Even though the book is geared for women, I find it amazingly supportive for men as well. Enjoy!