Memoirs of a Tantrika

The Official Blog for Charu, founder of Embody Tantra

What Every Man Should Know…

Recently I have had the honor of working with several men who have dared to be very honest with me about their relationship to their penis.

It seems to me from what I have learned that every man has been programmed to believe that he should have a rock-hard erection at all times. This myth has grown so far and wide that modern science has even made an attempt at solving it by creating a little blue pill, so every man can be hard even when his body is giving him a different message. This little blue pill has done us a great disservice because it has made it easy for us to ignore an important message from our bodies.

I would be shocked if there was even one man reading this blog who has not experienced a moment when his penis did not get hard when he wanted it to.

So, here is the lowdown as I see it:

Most people today are cut off from their genitals…desensitized. Many young men are completely unconscious in their genitals and they are simply driven by biology. Biology ensures that they get an erection at any and all times possible in order to ensure the growth of our species. What biology is ignorant about is the fact that an erect penis without a connection to a man’s heart is a potentially dangerous thing.

Most men and women don’t have any idea what we are carrying in our genitals. Men are often carrying anger, guilt, hate, confusion, shame…and more, in their genitals. This has been created through a repression of the sexual energy in our society. When an unconscious man penetrates a woman he leaves her with a residue of all of these tensions and unfelt feelings that are living in his genitals. Woman receives this for two reasons; 1) she is cut off from her own genitals, 2) she is created to be a ‘receiver’.

If a man is lucky, he will experience a moment in his life when his penis becomes or longs to become conscious. When it is tired of being a slave to biology and sees an opportunity to connect with the heart. One example of how this may show up, is in a moment when a man is about to penetrate a woman whom he does not love or care for, or he can sense that she does not love or care for him and the penis chooses to be soft, refusing to participate in the charade any longer. Most men experience great fear, sadness, shame and confusion when this happens.

If this has happened to you I say, ‘congratulations, your penis is awakening to it’s true potential’.

You see, a penis is not there to merely impregnate women and use them as a device for momentary pleasure…a conscious penis has the potential to take you home. To bring you back inside of woman, from where you came. To offer her great healing and offer you a sense of peace, well being and balance.

A conscious penis is valuable and alive throughout all levels of tumescence. This is because a conscious penis is at all times sensing into and reading the messages of a woman’s body.

Woman is not always open and ready to receive a rock hard penis. In fact, if our body is not open, facing a hard penis can be downright scary. With an alive and intuitive penis woman can relax knowing that she will be met exactly where she is at. If she is not ready for lovemaking, the penis won’t be either…if you are in the middle of making love and she tightens up a bit, the penis will adjust to her needs and soften so she can again open and relax.

This is where my very favorite lovemaking technique comes in: soft penetration. Soft penetration is exactly what it sounds like…woman takes her man inside of her while his penis is soft. This is an AMAZING opportunity to re-sensitize both the penis and the vagina. There is a natural resonance and intelligence that our genitals have which most of us are completely shut off to. When we rest the genitals together, we give them the space to awaken and re-connect with their true power and intuition. From this space truly transformational lovemaking can arise.

As for me, discovering this truth has changed my life and allowed me to surrender to my love in new ways. I can feel the true gift of every level of tumescence and the love with which my beloved’s penis moves as it feels into me and my deepest needs and longings. Just as I spoke about in the previous entry, it knows when it can fuck me senseless with absolute love, and when I am feeling scared and shut down and I need a softer, more tender penis to meet me before I can invite him all the way in.

To read more about how you can practice soft penetration check out my favorite book Tantric Orgasm for Women for detailed instructions and much more info about growing conscious in our genitals.

in love,
embody truth, embody love…embody Tantra.

for more information on classes and sessions with Charu click here


  mustangsally & buffalobill wrote @

Great, insightful look at the penis! Can’t wait to try the soft penetration – this afternoon. Fun way to start the weekend!

  Charu wrote @

Good for you! I am tellin’ ya this technique will change your life! Be sure to let me know what you experience…

in love,

  bret2911 wrote @

Charu, it was an interesting idea to think of the “consciousness” of my penis. In Tantric wisdom and/or in your opinion is the penis always the “responder” to woman and her level of “lovingness” or receptiveness? (soft when she isn’t receptive or loving and hard when she is) What is the “meaning” to woman of a soft penis? How does that meaning change when woman is open, wet, receptive and in love and the penis remains soft? If one is “awake,”and/or “conscious,” how would conscious genitals (male & female) respond to unconsciousness in ones’ protential partner?

  Charu wrote @

Wow Bret…

That is quite a question. And in some ways there is more than one answer.

1. Yes, a conscious penis will always respond to the woman’s body

2. In the process of becoming more and more conscious there may be elements of the man’s relationship to his own penis and his own sexuality that also play a role in the hardness or softness of his penis…

3.A woman can be receptive and still her body is longing for a soft penis…it is important to not start to categorize ‘closed’= soft penis/ ‘open’= hard penis. All levels of tumescence are valuable in the growing consciousness of the genitals. Amazing awakening and orgasms are also possible when the penis is soft…both for man and woman.

4. We all choose partners that mirror us. A man who is consistently choosing women who are ‘closed’ and is experiencing a soft penis all the time is most likely experiencing a mirror of his own challenges and ‘shut-down-ness’. A man who is completely integrated (and there are VERY FEW who are at this time in our society) will feel aliveness through his penis at all times. He will easily connect deeply with his partner and if it is true for his penis to be soft with her…it will be. As he meets her with his conscious penis, she will begin to make herself more available to him and his loving and all levels of tumescence will be enjoyed by both partners.

5. Finally, I am not sure what you mean by ‘meaning’ to woman…if you clarify I will do my best to answer.

I hope this has helped. The bottom line is to begin to create a new relationship with your penis…hold it, massage it, enjoy its warmth and softness as much as possible. Love it when it is hard, love it when it is soft. Consistently imagine bringing your attention to it while you participate in ordinary daily activities…once you begin to do this you will begin to hear your answers directly from within your body and the words that I write here on the page are meaningless in comparison to your own discoveries.

in love,

  bret2911 wrote @


Thanks for your sharing. The meaning to which I, previously spoke, is regarding your comments about the programming, the perpetually hard penis myth. I feel I have been getting “messages” from woman, in some of my experience, when I have come to an interaction with softer tumescence(great word by the way) I have felt like the woman translated hard penis = I’m attractive/sexy; soft penis = not attractive/not sexy. I wonder if this translation/meaning isn’t, in part, some of root progaming to which you refer? Anyone with a penis knows that a hard penis is quite disfunctional a good portion of the time, uncomfortable in tight jeans, too obvious in loose pants, inappropriate in most work and social settings . . . etc. So the idea that men think they need a rock-hard penis at all times doesn’t fit for me. The programing to have a rock hard penis when in sexual situations where a hard penis has utility and validates manhood, and/or womanhood that seems acturate to me. In your sharing you have done a fabulous job of speaking to the delicousness of all states of tumescence, I appreciated that. Do you think woman/women have the “meaning making” about a hard penis, referred to above? Am I just MSU = Making Shit Up? Your thoughts?

  Charu wrote @


Yes, most women are tied up in thinking that the hardness of a man’s penis is a sexiness monitor. ‘I am sexy and desirable if he gets hard for me…I am not if he does not.’

What a shame.

This work is a re-learning for both men and women.

If you find yourself with a woman like that I would:
a) refer her to this blog entry
b) remember that her reaction says more about her insecurities and programming then it does about you and your penis.
c) share in honest conversation about both of your insecurities and fears and then practice the ‘soft penetration’ technique.

Thank you so much for your juicy questions.

in love,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: